they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
