Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
