Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
