I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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