What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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