I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
