How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
