i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
