anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
