1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize