I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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