im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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