I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
