hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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