I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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