Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
