Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize