Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
