my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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