Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
