Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
