Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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