I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize