my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
