I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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