the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
