sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize