Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
