Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
