break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
