Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
