just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize