apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
