where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
