Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
