I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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