im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
