Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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