I want to make a zoo with you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
