I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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