Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
