At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
