she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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