So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
