Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
