i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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