I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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