Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
