Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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