well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
