I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
