Pants 0. Shit 1.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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