look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
