she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
