That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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