How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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