I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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