he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize