I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
