I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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