Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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