who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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