her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
