so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
