Duck Duck Cougar?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
