First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
only if we run a train.
done.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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