captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
