Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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